Word to Trump: Americans need a bismuth, not an ipecac

Did you hear the "great" news? Sarah Palin has endorsed Donald Trump's campaign! 
Ummm ... yeah. 
Can anyone tell me, honestly, why this woman is still politically relevant in any way? Palin's time has come and gone. She had her rise to fame as John McCain's pit-bull veep, trying desperately to put a right-wing stamp on his campaign, to no avail. She appeared on FOX News for years, until Roger Ailes made the rather savvy decision to not renew her contract with the network. She previously opined that we must stand by our "North Korean allies" and admitted that she can't remember any newspapers that she supposedly reads.
Whose hearts and minds are still won over by this outspoken hockey mom who has not only exhausted her fifteen minutes of fame, but beaten it into submission? What can she possibly lend to Donald Trump's presidential bid? If the aim was to have it laughed at and mocked even more mercilessly than it already is, then I think Palin's endorsement will go a long way towards that end.
Is there a market among conservatives for Sarah Palin? Yes, there are the types who, when they're not hunting, sit in their boxers with one testicle hanging out the side and salivating at her image, going "yeah, yeah, I like Sarah Palin. She's really good. She's really strong. Yeah, yeah!" But I'm talking about genuine conservative people here, not oversexed (or sex-deprived) functional illiterates or guys who fear having their heterosexual credentials questioned—usually by the same saggy-nutted geniuses—if they dare to say they don't favor her.
Well, call me what you want, but I have to ask: Can the Tea Party/Real Conservative establishment do no better than Palin? Honestly, we have to roll her out again to smile for the cameras and give rambling, bewildering speeches? It's as if the grass-roots conservatives have absolutely no-one else to turn to, despite a 2014 mid-term election that gave us new blood. If the endorsement has to be female, then why not  Mia Love or Joni Ernst?
Instead, I can hear the grass-roots types saying, "We need to give Trump a prominent female conservative endorsement. So, let's see, who've we got? Michelle Bachmann? Nah, people might not remember her. I guess we gotta go with Sarah Palin. Get on the phone to Wasilla!" Gee thanks! Just what Trump needed. Just what we all needed.
This is BS. It's like the Republican establishment constantly forcing weaklings like Bob Dole and Mitt Romney on us. They say, "we're gonna give you Jeb Bush!" We say, "Pass the cyanide."
I like Sarah Palin on many of the issues. Ninety-nine percent of them, in fact. She was an honest governor, claiming some of the lowest gubernatorial expenses and turning down a pay raise. She's a loyal mother, a strong-willed woman, and I wish her no harm whatsoever. If she can successfully re-invent her image, she can continue to successfully contribute to the conservative movement.
That's the problem, however. Her image. She rubs off as a bimbo, which may be unfair. But things are what they are. Like the aforementioned Bachmann, she appears like a hair-twirling simpleton singing "la-de-da." She'd be more effective at the podium if she played her flute rather than engaging her vocal cords.
For a woman with traditional values, I called foul straightaway given daughter Bristol's premarital pregnancy. And, man, these same values did a world of good for Track, who was recently arrested for punching his girlfriend and then holding a rifle to her head. Yes, I'm judging. It's what normal people do. These are closet skeletons and they do count.
I don't want to hear what Sarah Palin has to say about Trump in Iowa while her loser of a son is being arraigned for domestic violence in Alaska. What does it say when this woman wants to control conservative debate and election campaigns with her speeches and endorsements, respectively, but is apparently unable to control her idiotic family?
Palin ought to know better than to blame President Barry for Track's despicable actions. Track himself is to blame. His mother needs to get in his face and dress him down for the shame and embarrassment he has caused her. Yes, Obama cares nothing about our veterans; he is, without a doubt, the worst of the worst Commanders-in-Chief we have had in office. But blaming others for someone else's actions is the hallmark of liberalism. How is blaming the President for her son's warped mind indicative of conservative values?  Track needs to grow up and learn what it is to be a man, PTSD or no PTSD. 
In fact, Track's behavior is not the first time the Palin household has witnessed some downright wild behavior not exactly befitting of conservatives. In September 2014, America's best-known white trash clan, having been introduced to us in lurid detail via the Lifetime channel's Life's a Tripp, was engaged in a free-for-all fight at a birthday party for Palin's husband, Todd. Track, Bristol, Willow and Todd himself were all involved in the fracas, according to police.
Speaking of reality shows, what is it with some conservatives and the type of people that get their own programs? Some Louisiana backwoods moron with a beard down to his kratsh by the name of Phil Robertson said he saw Jesus in a duck-call whistle and before you know it, we're introduced to yet another family that no doubt gives the United States of America such a fine image worldwide. For a while, conservatives couldn't stop talking about Duck Dynasty and what a great confirmation of traditional American values it represented. When's Robertson's endorsement of Trump going to come, I wonder?
Honestly, who is the Tea Party/Real Conservative/Grass-Roots folks going to dig up next to represent them? Someone with brains, the sophisticated élan to use them, and a family that isn't a freak show, I can only hope. They may want to try that.
Ted Cruz is looking better and better, day by day. With Trump forcing another birther issue, raising a stink over loans Cruz used to win his race in Texas for the Senate as well as the definition of "New York values", calling Cruz "nasty" just because he won't coöperate with Senate Leader Fishface, and pushing ethanol for some bizarre reason, I am seeing the wheels come off the Trump campaign. Now, Palin, a has-been with significant baggage, has announced that she's gonna "stump for Trump"? Good grief!
If Donald Trump is the pink bismuth that the country is desperate for, Sarah Palin is the ipecac.
It's time Mr. Trump changed his campaign strategist, and damn quickly at that.