Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Lesson for today: Don't try adding apples and oranges

Someone recently left me a comment with respect to my "Of Homosexuality and Ice Dancing" entry, and they had this query to pose to me: "So . . . you're bisexual yet have never had a homosexual experience. I'm sorry, but this makes you bi how?"
As the seconds ticked by after first reading that, the more stupid the question seemed. Now it's gone beyond that. I'm plain offended.
I don't like being questioned when I deign to reveal personal matters about myself. If I say I'm bisexual, I'm bisexual, damn it all. If I said I was next in line to inherit the British crown, then you may question what I say. But not on a matter such as this.
You don't find yourself looking at some members of your own sex, over the course of over 20 years, and thinking "hot damn" if you don't have considerably more than a slight touch of the alternative sexuality about you, now do you?
You bring me a 5-foot, 8-inch, pumped, surfer-dude type in bulging Speedos, and I guaran-f***ing-tee that my eyes won't stray. How's that for being up front? (You decide if the pun was intended.)
All I said was that I wasn't one bit bothered to be leading a straight lifestyle, that I love the female I chose to share my life with, and that the only sex I've ever had was with her. From this, my interrogator felt at liberty to add A (married, only ever been with a woman) + B (never had a gay experience) = C (not bisexual). You did the math, my friend, but too bad it was based on expectation and not logic. That makes it wrong. See me after class.
I suppose what bothers me more than anything was not so much the fact that I wasn't taken at my word. It's this inane theory that you can only be a certain sexuality if you've had sex. By this assessment, the 40 Year Old Virgin must have been asexual before he finally did the nasty, eh?
You want to know why I never had a homosexual experience during my single days? Because I've got this amazing, astounding ability to keep it in my pants. I didn't go looking for young men to sleep with—that didn't interest me. If at some point, I'd been with some fit, frisky and dreamy young thing who I'd known for half-a-year at least and had a good, solid relationship with, then who the hell knows? But my attitude towards my own gender is the same as it is towards the opposite: Keep it under wraps until you've got a committment.
I don't willingly give myself away to just anyone. No, sirree, you've got to work hard to get to know me. This might have put people off me during my single days. Too bad, so sad. Their loss, darling.
You know what, though? I couldn't be happier. Because my wife was entirely worth waiting for.
I hope that clears things up.

1 comment:

goddessdivine said...

So I guess that would make me asexual as well....

Seriously, just because I believe in waiting until marriage to consummate it (and not having had that opportunity yet), doesn't make me.....nothing at all. Some people have dumb logic. And some people don't understand that yes, self-control is possible.