Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Talk about milking it ...

Were you aware, dear reader, that breast milk ice cream was, however briefly, on sale here in Britain? I kid you not. An ice cream shop in Covent Garden entitled Icecreamists served up ice cream made from human breast milk. Not surprisingly, the restaurant in question had its supply of "Baby Gaga" confiscated by Westminster Council on the common-sense grounds that it was a "foodstuff made from another person's bodily fluids."
Now then, I'm a fairly straight guy, at least in terms of my sexual activity preference—making my deposit in the right bank, so to speak. I am an avid fan of any female form that's fit and foxy. But I have to say, I cannot, even in my wildest dreams, countenance the thought of consuming breast milk ice cream. I'm not even fond of ice cream in general; in my opinion, it's the favored indulgence of obese people who clearly plan on staying that way.
Matt O'Connor, the inventor of the ice cream which surely made the average shaven-headed, no-necked Daily Star reader drool, said the frozen concoction "challenges our preconceptions about food." Well, Mr. O'Connor, food is something for which I am quite comfortable—indeed, grateful—in not having my preconceptions challenged. I actually enjoy being able to eat sans the urge to puke. That's why there's very little that I consume which originated from something that can walk and vocalize.
O'Connor also said that if breast milk "is good enough for our children, it's good enough for the rest of us." OK, I consider myself quite youthful for a fortysomething, but honestly, let us not get carried away here.
What's next? Urine lemonade? Fecal fajitas, perhaps? Hey, we need to challenge our food preconceptions, damn it all! If coprophagia is good enough for rabbits, surely it's good enough for us!
Even Michelle Obama wouldn't touch this one with a ten-foot pole.
And let's face it, we can't see the women who donated their milk. I'm guessing they didn't exactly all come fresh from a shift at Hooters.
Let me leave you with one final thought from this roguish entrepreneur. "No-one's done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years," O'Connor opines. And yet it still sells. Go figure.
Mr. O'Connor, get thee to a supermarket or a normal ice cream shop and discover how something that ain't broke doesn't need fixing.


goddessdivine said...

I think I heard that somewhere. And now you have verified it's true.

That is the most convoluted and wildly disgusting idea EVER. Talk about stupid logic ("If it's good for babies....") Uh, babies are babies. Last time I checked, adults are done developing and don't need the nourishment and fat that breast milk provides. Sickos.

Nightdragon said...

Yep: unfortunately, it's true.

Couldn't agree more with your own assessment, Goddess.