The issues—brought to you by 'Jonathan Miller'

Well, I'm depressed.
According to The Washington Post, who broke the story the other day, Donald Trump once called up a female magazine reporter, Sue Carswell of People, and pretended to be his own publicist, going by the name Jonathan Miller. Tapes of the ensuing conversation were leaked, with Marla Maples having confirmed Miller's voice as Trump's.
He's doomed. Doomed, I tell you.
So all you "Never Trump" types, fret ye not. The Washington Post just made it impossible for the Donald to win the White House.
Mind you, the Post is part of the same media that tells us that it's issues that count. With Hillary in mind, the bow-tied bum-kissers (to borrow a phrase from Howie Carr) implore us, we mere peons, to not bring this up and not to bring that up. It's about the issues affecting our great, wonderful country. Got that?
Don't mention Benghazi. Don't mention the disastrous Arab Spring policy that set the Middle East alight. Don't mention policy in Libya or Syria nor the private server nor the cash-for-Clintons scheme. All irrelevant. Forgive and forget, this is about our future. Think of the children.
Yet apparently there's a break in the time-space continuum in which it is possible to concentrate on non-issues if the candidate is a nationalist who's bitch-slapping the milquetoast Republican establishment out the door and into obsolescence.
The New Yorker had to get in on the action too, with John Cassidy positing that this troubling episode reveals the question of character. After all, just think, what if everyone across the country decided to pass themselves off as other people over the phone? The consequences could be irreparable. This is America. That is not who we are.
Stellar reporting by The Washington Post as always. Simply outstanding.
Here's the thing. The voters agree that this election is all about the issues. Which is why this story, mark my words, will go nowhere. It will generate a lot of hot air from all the talking heads on all the waste-of-a-sane-man's-time programs on all the know-it-all networks: CNN, FOX, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, et al.
The Donald himself will stand at the podium during future rallies, telling the audience, "Yeah, I released that Jonathan Miller tape myself. At the time, I wanted the world to know that I was banging Marla Maples. What d'ya' think of that?" The crowd will roar. Both the babies on the Left and the petulant, jealous fools of the Bushite GOP hierarchy will shake their heads sadly and wonder why this did not even cause a micro-dent in Trump's popularity.
Don't even get me started on the whole Rowanne Brewer-Lane stuff, as reported Sunday in The New York Times, another journalistic feat par excellence, no doubt. So much so that Brewer-Lane herself has refuted the whole story, calling Mr. Trump a gentleman and saying that she was never made to feel uncomfortable during the evening pool party at the Mar-a-Lago complex in Palm Beach in 1990. Alas, you see, this further exemplifies heterosexual micro-aggression on Trump's part. We can't have that, now can we? Paul Ryan would never have "debased" a woman like that. But this is hardly Gennifer Flowers redux, despite the best attempts of the self-appointed profiles in courage to make it such. 
In the end, it will be all about the issues. Cutting off the flow of illegal aliens and "refugees," getting out of damaging bureaucratic trade deals, good jobs for American citizens, a tax plan that will embolden the middle class and empower the poor, America First foreign policies, ensuring that men and women in the United States continue to be addressed as "mister" and "miss/missus", not "señor" or "señorita". The sorts of things conservatives should have given us but, with the sole exception of good jobs for Americans thirty years ago that disappeared almost as soon as Reagan left office, never have.
These are the issues "Jonathan Miller" wants us to be concerned about. They've struck a chord, from what I've been led to understand.
By the way, notice the uncanny, split-second similarity between "Bushite" and "bullshit".  Just sayin'.