Monday, June 11, 2007

A comedy of errors

My wife has succeeded in elevating her usual unobservancy to an art form: of this, I'm convinced. If the events of approximately 8:36 this morning were written into the script of a sitcom, the show in question would win a Grammy.
Squirrel normally hops the 8:36 train into work, and this is the same train from work that I'm almost always on. A few weeks ago, we agreed to meet each other every morning around the second car to the front of the platform, where I greet her with a kiss and bid her adieu till evening time.
Now, the commuter trains here have two sets of doors each to a car. I saw her on the platform rolling in. She didn't notice me. I saw her board the train through the other set of doors, so I called after her. She didn't hear me.
I walked down to where she was seated and thumped on the window. Nothing. I got on back on the train. "Hon!" I called. Nada. Still talking to her mom on her cell phone, oblivious to the world around her. So I walked over to her seat and was within—I swear—five feet of her when I heard the doors beeping, indicating that the train was ready to leave.
You never saw anyone exit a train car so swiftly. I think I left a puff of smoke at the place where I'd been standing. Thank goodness this dragon is so lithe and quick on his feet!
Now, as if all this wasn't enough to generate an appreciative laugh track, the next thing that happened was pure slapstick brilliance. As soon as my feet hit the ground after leaping off the train, I turned right into the front tire of a cyclist who was endeavoring to board the train. Gonads, meet front tire; front tire, gonads!
I wheezed my apology to the cyclist, saw him board, and watched the train pull away. I looked at Squirrel through the window once more, still oblivious to everything. I felt like Victor Meldrew from "One Foot in the Grave," muttering "I don't be-lieeeve it" as I limped along the platform, clutching my package.
Needless to say, when she called me around 9 a.m., I had quite a story to relate to her. I told her that I could have been dressed in a tu-tu and turning pirouettes and she wouldn't have noticed me. I'm amazed she even saw the train to get on it!
Hon, honestly, start paying attention, would you?! The world can be an interesting place, you know. And I ought to know!


kristen said...

Nice one. Oh, the pains you went through just to be with your wife for a few seconds.

It's those dang cell phones!! I swear some people are oblivious to what's around them sometimes.

At least this makes a good story you can laugh at for years to come.

Nightdragon said...

I did consider it funny at the time. I was giggling to myself during my walk home from the station. I wasn't peeved about it, I just couldn't believe how unobservant Squirrel can be. She is rather addicted to that cell phone. Actually, she's addicted to talk in general!