The young, the uninspired and the truly deranged

● This is why life in Britain can often be such a comically frustrating experience. Or frustratingly comic. Anyway, you get the point: If you didn't laugh at the comedic side of things, you'd cry—and probably scream as well—from frustration.
Now then, I wasn't nuts about London being awarded the Olympics anyway. I just hope I'm still at my suburban night job in 2012, because I plan to not once step foot in central London the entire time this foul event is being staged. Not that the legacy of the Olympics will ever disappear, mind you, because all the third-worlders coming into the country on sports visas will no doubt be staying and making themselves perfectly at home on my tax money once the Games are long over with.
But I digress ...
The Olympic logo? It cost £400,000 to design. Let me just spell that out: Four hundred thousand pounds (US$796,000). It reminds me of the time Nottinghamshire County Tourism decided to do away with the traditional Robin Hood logo—£125,000 later, and what did the tourist board unveil for their stunning new design? A large block-letter "N." Eat your heart out, Robin Hood. Take a short break in the county and learn your alphabet at the same time. Superb!
I'm actually relieved to note that readers of The Guardian appear opposed to this Olympics design. You'd think that artsy-fartsy Lefty crowd would be mulling over every detail, scratching their chins and musing approvingly, "Yes, yes, quite. Now what do you think, Reginald? More wine and cheese, anyone?" (Perhaps, in the words of the Prez, I misunderestimate them.)
The Olympic logo was "designed to appeal to young people," the AP article says. Mentally challenged young people? If this monstrosity does appeal to young people, then I think that aptly demonstrates all we need to know about generations Y and Z. Time to seriously weep for the future.
Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee, said the brand would "inspire young people around the world through sport and the Olympic values." Say what? How the hell can you be inspired by something that looks like the inside of Pete Doherty's brain? You'd need to take five hits of acid to be inspired by that logo.
Not to be outdone in the ridiculous statements category, Olympics minister Tessa Jowell said, "I hope kids will see it is a badge of honour and a badge of ambition." Better hope the constestants in Big Brother start wearing it then, Tessa.
In fact, come to it, the only young people who could possibly like that logo are the ones who avidly watch Big Brother, but look what a hit that is (more on this below). I guess the monosyllabic, seventh-grade-dropout, ten-pints-and-a-kebab-for-dinner crowd have a right to entertainment too, visual or otherwise.
If so, this Olympics logo is the success its hare-brained designers clearly hope it will be. The rest of us, those with maturity and taste, can only cower in embarrassment.
● Speaking of young people and Big Brother, a young female DJ gave up her £15,000-a-year radio job to endlessly watch Big Brother all summer. Hannah Clarkson said, "It is the best programme around ... my career can wait. All my friends think I am incredibly sad." (Here's a UK radio DJ list just so you know I'm not making her up.)
Hannah, sugar, I've got news for you: Your friends aren't the only ones who think that way. Every single person with more than half an active brain cell reading about you thinks you're incredibly sad, if not incredibly deranged.
Hannah's boss at the radio station said, "I do not understand why anyone would give up their career to watch a load of mindless idiots on TV for three months."
I think this letter in yesterday's (London) Metro paper more aptly asked the salient question about Big Brother's target audience: "Is it just me or are the people who watch Big Brother the loneliest people in the world? I just assume that you must not have any friends or an interesting life if you have the time to watch irritating, untalented people every night for three months."
Could not have said it better myself.
But, on the bright side—if there is one—our tragically obsessed heroine found fame the way her heroes did: by being a mindless idiot. And, what's more, she is now a lot more like her fellow Big Brother worshippers—a bone-idle layabout.
● Bear with me, dear reader. One more Big Brother-related item to share with you here, too good to leave out: One of the newspaper agony aunts (an "agony aunt" is the UK equivalent to a "Dear Abbey" advice columnist) responded to a letter by a mother who, I can only assume, is both young and ditzy. She sought advice on how to put her 8- and 10-year-old boys to bed when they insist on staying up to watch Big Brother. (I was not in the least bit suprised to note that there was no mention of their father!) The columnist responded that she is the one in control, not them.
Exactly! Chrissakes, does anyone know what parenting is anymore? I'm so sick of the exponentially increasing population of adults that just roll over for their brats. I wanted to hit this Yankee father I heard in the shop the other day. He said "why, sure thing, little buddy" to his 7-year-old son who demanded—not asked for—demanded a candy bar. If I demanded anything of my father in that tone, at that age, I'd probably only just now be getting out of the hospital! And I write that with no trace of bitterness whatsoever. The dude knew how to bring me up properly and he was well within his rights to do so. 'Nuff said.
You can't get your sons to go to bed because of a moronic TV program? You shut the TV off. You say, "Bed, now!" You frog-march them upstairs if you have to. If they scream and cry, you smack them upside the head and tell them that if they keep it up, they'll get far worse. In other words, you lay down the fucking law and command some respect from them!
Mwahaha. Thank goodness I don't have kids, eh?